Sarcasm Does Cheat Sheets


Ahhhhh, that wonderful week after Christmas. You know, the one where the holiday excitement in your little one’s eyes is now glazed over by boredom (already!) with their newest toys and gadgets and you are ready to climb the walls wanting them back in school? Yeah, that’s the one. I had almost forgotten what that feeling was like, and then wham! My grandson starts kindergarten and he is staying with us this week. But alas, my wonderful hubby being the awesome Grandpa that he is, has planned on taking him hunting and out to the farm for some target practice with his new Red Ryder BB gun we gave him for Christmas, leaving me free to catch up on my beading.

Speaking of my wonderful hubby, I gotta tell you, he is one that actually listens when I say stuff. I have been talking about going to our local Harbor Freight store for months and getting a rock tumbler to use in my wire worked jewelry. Christmas Day comes around and I opened my beautiful diamond and sapphire (my birthstone) necklace and then I have another big, and heavy box to open.

The "I have The Greatest Hubby in the World" Christmas present

The “I have The Greatest Hubby in the World” Christmas present

And people say romance dies once you say I do. Any guy who buys his wife a diamond sapphire necklace and a rock tumbler for Christmas is a keeper. And he’s mine, so all of you single ladies out there keep your grubby little paws to yourself!

Anyway, I was thinking the other day how much I wished I had a quick reference on my computer or tablet to all the different beads around, especially with all the new shaped beads that seem to be coming out almost weekly. Well lo and behold, when I purchased my digital edition of Quick+Easy Beadwork, Winter 2015, they featured a couple of pages of diagrams that I will be sharing with you here for you to bookmark on your devices. This issue also features 30 bead projects using these beads, bead embroidery with metal, and some 30 minute earrings. You can purchase it from Interweave here.

2 hole beads pt 1

Two hole Beads

2 hole beads pt 2

Two hole and Shaped Beads

Shaped Beads

Shaped Beads

And what reference would be complete without a few most know terms? These are brought to you courtesy of Beading Daily, where you can find an entire Glossary of beading knowledge here.

Cull your beads. Remove beads that are wider or skinnier than the average size bead-using consistently sized beads results in uniform beadwork. Keep the beads you removed because beads that are too thin or too wide can come in handy when filling gaps and when making gradual decreases and increases.

Pass through. To pass through means to pass through a bead a second time, moving the needle in the buy Pregabalin online now same direction as the way it was initially strung buy prednisone for dogs online uk (Fig. 1).

Pass back through. To pass back through, move the needle in the coumadin cost opposite direction as the way it was initially strung (Fig. 2).


Repeat. When the word repeat appears after a semicolon, repeat the instructions that precede it in that sentence only. For example, here you’ll work the entire sequence three times for a grand total of 6 stitches and 3A: “Work 2 stitches with 1A in each stitch; repeat twice.”

Repeat from *. Repeat the instructions, starting at the text that follows the *.

Row vs. round. Rows of peyote stitch are worked back and forth; rounds are worked in a circle.

Secure the thread and trim. Tie 1 or 2 knots around threads between nearby beads, weave through 3 to 4 beads, and trim the tail close to the beadwork with scissors or a thread burner.

Splitting the pairs. Work 1 bead between the 2 beads of a pair in the previous row/round (Fig. 3).


Step up. Use a step up to prepare for the next row (or round). Unless otherwise directed, do this by passing through the first bead added in the current row/round.

Stitch. When directed to work a peyote stitch, string 1 bead and pass through the next up bead. The motion of stringing the bead you want to add and going through the next bead to lock the bead in place is considered 1 stitch.

Turnaround. Change your stitching direction without exposing the thread or deviating from the established thread path.

Up bead vs down bead. The top jagged end of a flat strip of peyote stitch consists of up beads; the bottom end is made of down beads. The very basic nature of peyote stitch is to string 1 bead and pass through the nearest up bead. The bead just added becomes the new up bead; the bead just exited is now a down bead.

Working thread vs tail thread. The working thread is the end with the needle, doing the work of stitching. The opposite end is the tail thread.

With all the terminology that we beaders use, sometimes it seems like we are speaking our own secret spy code. I love the look of confusion on people’s faces when I’m speaking bead. Somehow it makes me feel superior. My husband just thinks I’m nuts and spend way too much money on beads. He’s half right.

And I’m not going to let you go this week without showing off something I beaded. This bracelet (and please do not laugh) took me nearly three years to complete. I don’t mean the time and labor, but the design process. I must have started it and ripped it apart 20-30 times. I am just not used to working with cubed beads and this bracelet is square stitched almost entirely in 4mm pink marble Miyuki cube beads with 4mm firepolished and 11/0 galvanized pink rose seed beads adornments. I guess the reason it took me so long is I just will not let anything be completed until I consider it good enough to adorn someone’s wrist, neck, ears, you get the drift.

"Rose Marble Windows"

“Rose Marble Windows”

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season and has a very Happy New Year. Don’t forget for all your beading needs to check out Eureka Crystal Beads. You simply can’t beat their prices, fast and free economy shipping, or the amount you get for your money. Heck, Toho seed beads are sold in 20 gram tubes and super duos in 25 gram tubes! They are also ALWAYS running some kind of a sale! Another thing, they have some great absolutely 100% FREE downloadable patterns. There is a link to those on the sidebar on this page. Use discount code A10SAVE20R and receive 20% off your first order!

I am planning on posting a lot more tutorials in the coming New Year, so be sure to go find that little box that subscribes you to my weekly dose of snark in your email and fill it out. Every now and again you will get a bonus posting mid-week! Please let me hear from you in the comments too. I want to know what you are beading, what you think of my blog, and don’t forget to send your sarcasm memes to to be used in a future posting!

Until next week, stay smart, or stay smart sassy!


Sarcasm does a Cellini Spiral

peace on earth

Tis the season. Christmas is this very week and it’s kinda hard to be snarky about something so important as the celebration of the birth of Christ and our celebration of it. But then again, there is the months of credit card bills, waiting in endless checkout lines to pay for “THAT” toy (after you got shoved and kicked and stepped on to get it) that just had to go under the tree this year for your little one, waiting until the last second to figure out what to buy the hubby (or wife – I’m not gender biased with my readers! 😀 ) and all that cooking and of course, along with the cooking, comes the inevitable clean-up afterwards. Not only of the kitchen, but the whole frigging house, because you just know the kids have strewn wrapping paper and boxes and their new toys every freaking where!

Sound like your house? It used to be mine, but then I did the smart thing. I convinced my daughter that since Santa comes to her house, it makes better since to do the entire day there, so the kids can play with ALL their new stuff, rather than them wishing they were at home while they ate at my house. Works great for me, no cooking or clean-up! Works great for her too, as far as the kids go, but then she IS stuck with all the cooking and clean-up. Did I mention how much I LOVE being a grandparent? 😛

Anyway I have my own little Christmas anecdote of Good Samaritanship to share. I have had a rear passenger tire that has been slowly losing air over the last two to three weeks. A few nights ago, as I was leaving our LBS around 11:15 p.m. (yup, been staying late to get those Christmas orders done!) My dash reading said the tire was down to 16 pounds. It’s actually supposed to be at 42 for my particular car. I called my husband and he said just to drive slowly home and he would go get it plugged in the morning, that it probably had a nail in it (turns out it was two!). As I was driving home and was stopped at the last big intersection to turn into my neighborhood, a policeman was waving for me to roll down my window from the lane next to me. He said I was about to have a flat or blowout and to pull into the service station on the other side of the intersection.

One thing about police now is that everyone is complaining that they do not care about the citizens they are supposed to serve and protect. I have never believed that, having been married to a retired one as long as I have. I think it is just part of their training now to triage their responses to certain situations, which means the most critical come first. Anyway, this policeman was kind enough to not only pay for (yes, actually had to pay for AIR) and put air in my tire, but had a tire gauge and checked the p.s.i. as he was doing so, to make sure I was at the proper 42 lbs p.s.i. It took all of 10 minutes of his time away from his patrol duties on a late night. He explained to me, that especially this time of year, he didn’t want a lone single woman who was being distracted by putting air in her tire to be robbed of her purse and valuables inside her car from the other side. He was the utmost example of what it is to protect and SERVE. I wish I had gotten his name, but was so shocked and grateful, (not to mention exhausted and eager to get home) that I regretfully did not. So, thank you to the Montgomery, AL Police Officer on Atlanta Highway and Coliseum Blvd. who helped me! What a gentleman! Next time you see one of your officers, thank him or her for their service to your community. You never know when you will need them, whether you realize it or not!

mpd (2)

So, the next morning, as I’m on my way to meet my husband at the tire shop to get the tire, I had a @%@$%&# BLOWOUT on the front tire on the same side! I nearly ended up in a ditch, but instead managed to steer away from it, up a curb, and into the parking lot of the nearest open bar. Yes, open bar at 8:30 a.m.! So, now I have a trashed tire rim from hitting the curb, a concussion from hitting that plastic thingy between the door frame and the windshield, and two tires that have to be fixed or replaced!

So, on to some beading for the week! I have done a LOT of beading this week, and I have so many things to show you, but lets just go one thing at a time, shall we? One of the orders I had for Christmas was for a bracelet containing peacock colors, and for a very small wrist – 6 1/2 inches. I thought this would be the perfect time for me to work on my Cellini spiral so off I went! For this bracelet, I used 8/0 Aqua lined Grape, 11/0 Translucent Turquoise, 11/0 Metallic Teal Iris Delicas, 11/0 Metallic Midnight Purple Iris Delicas, and 15/0 Blue lined Blue AB seed beads. Once the spiral was completed, I closed up the ends with the 11/0 Turquoise and 15/0 Blues until completely sealed. Then I formed a loop with silver seed beads around a silver toggle clasp. Tension is VERY important when doing a Cellini, often to the point of breaking your thread and even your needles. I recommend using Fireline and Tulip needles, as I got through this entire bracelet without breaking either, and have gone on to using the needle in other projects with absolutely no problems.

"Peacock" Cellini Spiral

“Peacock” Cellini Spiral

Don’t forget for all your beading needs to check out Eureka Crystal Beads. You simply can’t beat their prices, fast and free economy shipping, or the amount you get for your money. Heck, Toho seed beads are sold in 20 gram tubes! They are also ALWAYS running some kind of a sale! Another thing, they have some great absolutely 100% FREE downloadable patterns. There is a link to those on the sidebar on this page. Use discount code A10SAVE20R and receive 20% off your first order!

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas! I will be spending it with my babies, but will be,  talking to you again next week! If you haven’t already, don’t forget to fill out that email subscriber form on my page, so you can get my snarky beading directly in your inbox each and every time I post! Comments? I absolutely ADORE hearing from you! Please leave me a message on what you are doing, what you would like to see from me, or just to say “hey there, “you snarky smartypants!” Also, don’t forget to send me your favorite sarcasm memes to and I will use them in a future post!

Until next time, be smart, or be smart sassy!


Sarcasm Presents Bead Embroidery as Therapy

charlie brown

Merry Everything!

One of the things that I have learned throughout my life is that stress brings out the worst (and usually the nastiest) snarky sarcasm to come out of my mouth. This year however, has been a humbling experience for me in my personal life, as I have struggled with a new health issue that I would not wish on my worst enemies (well, maybe my ex-husband, but that’s another story!), and not only has it taught me to value each day – each minute of each day as a gift, it has taught me extraordinary fortitude through some very unstable emotional moments.

When my granddaughter was born in August, 2014, I spent every day at my daughter’s house to help her out with the new baby a.) so she could get some rest and get her regular household chores done; and b.) so I could spend as much time as possible with my new little Doodlebug! Once my daughter decided to go back to work, we agreed that I would continue to keep my granddaughter at her house. It was just that much more convenient for both me, my daughter, and my granddaughter, to be around all her things already there, rather than lug them back and forth to my house, and I did NOT want her in daycare, especially that young! When my grandson was that age, they lived a couple of hours away, so I missed out on a lot of his baby “firsts” and I just was not about to with my Doodlebug!

I would spend her nap times beading and crocheting, and all was well with the world. Then, during the holiday break in January when my grandson was also home with me, I had a Grand Mal seizure just totally out of the blue. Not exactly what I wanted my five-year old grandson to have to witness – ever. Yet he has witnessed three since then. Since that day I was having seizures regularly, not all of them that big, but still seizing nonetheless. I couldn’t get a diagnosis, was going from doctor to doctor, and was becoming very depressed.

seizure survivor(

A friend of mine suggested that I take my feelings out in my beading, and the next thing I knew, I had a lovely outline of a butterfly drawn out on some Lacy’s Pattern Sheets which are wonderful in bead embroidery for transferring your designs to your backing. You just draw out your design and then print it out on these sheets, then stick it on your backing and sew your beads directly to it. Once your are done, you just gently pull away any excess. For those of you like me who just aren’t that great at freeform beading (I’m WAY too OCD!) these sheets are a lifesaver! Anyway, I read about them on a blog or webpage somewhere and just knew I had to have some, but the only place that I could find that carries them is Lima Beads. They are great to deal with, and get their orders out super fast!

So anyway, butterflies are my “thing” anyway (just ask my tattoo artist! ha!) and they also happen to represent the hope and courage of seizure sufferers. I found one that I liked, traced it over to the Lacy’s paper via my inkjet printer and voila’! I had my pattern! I then attached it to my absolute FAVORITE bead backing, Nicole’s Bead Backing. You can also find her on Etsy here, where she is running some GREAT specials on combo packs of her bead backing with matching ultrasuede and/or soutache supplies.

Purple is pretty much the universal awareness color for any kind of seizure disorder, whether it is epilepsy or not. That’s just fine with me, because it is my favorite color anyway! In this piece I used practically every color purple delica carried in my LBS, plus some I ordered, along with ALL my purples in regular seed beads! There are beads ranging in size from 8/0 – 15/0, and in shapes of delica, rocaille, hex, triangle, and charlotte’s. I even used a few bugles here and there. For accents, I used some Swarovski flat back stones in crystal ABX2. They represent my little glimmers of hope of coming out of all this seizure mess!

My "I don't know if it's jewelry" therapy bead embroidery seizure butterfly.

My “I don’t know if it’s jewelry” therapy bead embroidery seizure butterfly.

Seizure suck. There is just no other way to describe it. What makes it a million times worse is having your young grandchild witness it happen not just once, but multiple times. I will get past this. I am on medication to regulate it, and they think they even might know not exactly what is causing them, but why I have them when I do. Al I know is opened up a brand new expanded horizon in bead embroidery for me, who was new to that ballgame anyway.

I love bead embroidery, and currently am working on several projects. After all, a beader never has just one project going on! I plan on participating in the Dry Gulch Beads & Jewelry December Color Challenge and this month I intend on doing a little bead embroidery in my challenge. I will post the finished results at the end of the month. For those of you who have never entered their challenge, it is great fun, and the 1st place winner receives a $50 gift certificate to their website/store and $25 to the 2nd place winner. All you have to do is use ALL the colors in the color palette for their challenge. That’s it. It doesn’t even matter what medium your entry is. You could even enter cupcakes!

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season! I also hope you found the tutorial from last week on Chenille Stitch easy to follow! I promise there are more tutorials coming, so head over to the that email subscriber box so you can get it first in your email inbox! As always, I love hearing from you, so please leave me a comment about what you are beading, crocheting, a recipe, or whatever! Send your sarcasm memes to me at and I promise they will be used in a future posting with full credit going to you!

Until next time, stay smart, or stay smart sassy!


Sarcasm does a Free Tubular Chenille Tute!


Every year without fail, my Mom and I used to go to the local Gem & Mineral Show here in Montgomery, AL to ooooh and ahhhh over all the gorgeous stones and be fascinated (well, I was, anyway) at the lapidary and flint knapping exhibitions. I never realized just how much of an impact it was making on me until I became a TOTAL rockhound, as far as collecting cabochons goes! Apparently, all those trips over the years with her made an impact on me! Now I can not seem to get enough of those beautiful stones that I now bead around and make into jewelry. It seems that a little knowledge seeped in over the years too, because as I started collecting these beauties, I could recognize on sight what they were and even some of the regions they originated from.

Well, this weekend was this year’s annual show, and I took my grandbabies with me. My five-year old grandson is an absolute shark fanatic, and has been since he was two. He can recognize a shark species just by looking at it, and some by their teeth. The look on his face today was absolutely priceless when he saw the Megalodon tooth that was practically bigger than his head! Besides all the cool cabochons, firepolished crystals, and tools I left with, I left with an ecstatic five-year old grandson with a paper bag FULL of shark teeth, many of which were fossils!

Montgomery Gem & Mineral Show 2015

Montgomery Gem & Mineral Show 2015

So the picture above is just some of the jewelry on display at this year’s show. The bracelet in the center, done by me, is done in Chenille stitch, but instead of seed beads, I used ALL magatamas – two colors. Chenille stitch is my go-to stitch whenever I need a beaded rope for a pendant, and is also my most popular selling bracelet. It can be done in a variety of beads and endless color combinations. However, doing one entirely in magatamas? That took time, patience, and a lot, and I do mean a LOT of profanity! Forget sarcasm, profanity was in order for this one! I still haven’t figured out why I named it “Tranquility” other than it just reminded me of the tranquil feel of the waves of the ocean (after I got it done). No, seriously, this is probably one of the prettiest Chenille stitch bracelets I have ever done, and I have done quite a few.



So here is an easy picture tutorial from Jean Campbell for tubular Chenille stitch that was published in Beadwork Magazine and also on Beading Daily. I hope you find it as easy to follow as I did!

Using approximately 3′ of Fireline or Wildfire, string 6A beads (shown in green in rounds 1 & 2)

Round 1:

Form a ladder stitch with your 6 strung beads and then ladder stitch your 1st and last beads together to form a ring.

Form a ladder stitch with your 6 strung beads and then ladder stitch your 1st and last beads together to form a ring.

Round 2:

String 1B and pass down the next A of the prev. round, then up through the following A; repeat twice. Step up through the 1st B added this round.

String 1B and pass down the next A of the prev. round, then up through the following A; repeat twice. Step up through the 1st B added this round.

Round 3:

String 2A, pass through the next B of the prev. round; repeat twice. Step up through the 1st A added this round.

String 2A, pass through the next B of the prev. round; repeat twice. Step up through the 1st A added this round.

Round 4:

String 1B, pass down through the next A of the prev. round, and up through the following A; repeat twice. Step up through the 1st B added this round.

String 1B, pass down through the next A of the prev. round, and up through the following A; repeat twice. Step up through the 1st B added this round.

Round 5 – repeat rounds 3 and 4 until desired length.

Final round – Always end with a round 3 repeat. Then without adding any beads, ladderstitch your threadpath so that your first and last rounds match.

So I know what I want for Christmas, and I DARE one of you to get it for me! My lovely advertiser, Amazon, has the coolest thing for a snarky person such as myself! I present to you the Sarcastic Ball! It basically says everything I already do, or when I need to think of something, I can just toss it! Please, please, please somebody get me this!

Sarcastic Ball

Sarcastic Ball

If one of you really gets me this, I swear I will remember you in my will! Of course that means I would have to have something to leave you…. Anyway, that wraps it up for this week folks. Please find that little email sign-up box on this page and fill it out, if you haven’t already. Just for doing so, you will be forever subscribed (until you opt out, but you won’t, you know you won’t) to my snarky (but witty!) and beady ramblings each and every single week! You could even leave me a comment below and that wouldn’t even hurt my sarcastic little feelings not one bit! Of course if you don’t, I might get snarkier on you next week! You all be good, Santa’s watching!

Until next time, stay smart, or stay smart sassy!